totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
