i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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