just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
