why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
