never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
