the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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