i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
