booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
