You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
