I want to have your abortion
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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