Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
