Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
