She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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