Yo dont text me then not text me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
