I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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