She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
