At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
