I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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