dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
