i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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