so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize