3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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