Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
