You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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