Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
