I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize