Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
