White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
