we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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