I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
