Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
