I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
