the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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