so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
