Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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