headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
