U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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