I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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