I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
