Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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