You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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