Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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