My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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