i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
