Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Come on in and take your pants off
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