Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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