Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize