Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize