Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
