Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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