I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
