I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
