yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize