In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
