Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
are you so shy because you have an std?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
