That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
