When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
