Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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