Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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