I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
