I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
