i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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