I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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