Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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