i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
