i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
