I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
