I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
