I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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