Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
