It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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