i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
